Does fear limit me or empower me?

Fear can be an extraordinary teacher. Or an extraordinary liar. Not all fear is the same. One keeps us stuck. The other keeps us moving.

Fear can be a call to action, inviting fresh change. It tells us it's time to get uncomfortable because a new chapter is waiting. That kind of fear stretches us, trusting that the outcome will be better than we imagined.

It's the child standing at the edge of the diving board, building up the courage to jump for the very first time.

But then there's another kind of fear. A false belief that confines us and keeps us small. One that tears you down and pulls you into overthinking. One that doesn't serve you but only limits you.

It's like a speck of dirt dropped into a clear glass of water. It's still drinkable, sure. But now it's cloudy. And just like that, the lens changes. The journey no longer feels like an adventure. The negative overshadows everything else.

1. Let go and surrender yourself, but don’t lose yourself. 

I celebrated my ten-year business anniversary in May 2025. Reaching that milestone felt significant. The same year, I published my first book, a lifelong dream that I'm deeply proud of. Two milestones. Two celebrations. 

In the middle of all that gratitude and celebration, I could feel something changing. You know that feeling you get when you can smell a thunderstorm approaching? You can sense what’s coming, but you know you need to get home before it downpours. It’s not a discouraging feeling, but more so a hunch that’s trying to prepare me. 

My business isn't ending. It's evolving. It's asking me to evolve with it. And if I'm honest, that's what scares me most. 

As I've been wrestling with all of this, I keep coming back to three simple words: Don't Lose Yourself. 

Those words first appeared because of my book title, Don't Lose Your Sh*t at Work. But over the past year Don't Lose has taken on a much deeper meaning. It's become less about conflict at work and more about my conflict within. Why do we slowly lose ourselves?

Not all at once. Piece by piece. By adapting, fitting in. By becoming who we think we're supposed to be.

That question would turn out to be the backdrop for everything that followed. 

We're only halfway through the year, and already it's been filled with moments of wonder and many stories that have absolutely transformed me. I feel incredibly fortunate. 

And in the same breath, I can also say that I've been humbled and stretched in ways I never expected. 

Corey and I enjoy choosing a theme each year. It becomes our true north, guiding our decisions and the way we move through life. This year, we chose something simple: Stay in the river. Let the current take us. Trust the journey. 

The river isn't always gentle. Trusting it while navigating Class V rapids isn't nearly as easy or enjoyable as when the current is calm. 

The irony is that this theme requires me to lose myself. Like any outdoor activity, you have to stay fluid. As soon as fear grips you, you stiffen up, and that's when injuries happen. 

The more I let go and lose myself in the river, the more Don't Lose Yourself rises to the surface. 

For me not to lose myself, I must first let go and lose myself. What a paradox! 

2. Where I need to surrender myself so that I don’t lose myself 

This year has challenged not just who I am, but what I do and how I live, forcing me to ask harder questions and revealing things about myself I could no longer ignore. 

I've embraced that my business is changing. What I didn't expect was the fear it stirred in me and how much power I gave it. An inner wrestling match I had never experienced before. And strangely, I think that's a good thing. 

When I look back over my life, every fear I've faced has eventually become a profound opportunity for growth. It's harder to see it while you're in it. Usually, you only recognize the growth once you've walked through it. But I'm writing this while I'm still walking through it. 

I've had many sleepless nights and written plenty of journal pages. I’m genuinely excited about a new chapter but some parts of my struggle are still difficult to put into words. 

For example, somewhere along the way, I started saying to myself, I'm tired of grinding, but I have no choice. 

I let myself believe that grinding away at my business was the right thing to do, the only way I could succeed.

If I stop grinding, I'll fail. If I stop doing what I'm doing, my world will crumble. This is all I know how to do. 

If I surrender and let go of myself, this feels irresponsible. 

Being a small business owner means continually creating opportunities. Every now and then, you're fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time with the right person. But more often, it's years of building relationships, earning trust, asking for referrals, sharing what you do, and the commitment to delivering services that genuinely help people. I know what it's like to have, as I put it, fine dining one month and Kraft Dinner the next. 

I know what abundance feels like, and I know what it means to ration my savings. It's been one of the most enriching and rewarding experiences in my life. 

And now I’m at a crossroads. Do I let go and take the leap or not?

The little girl on the high diving board is me. Walking to the edge. Walking back again. Climbing down the ladder. Then climbing back up. 

Not because I lack determination, but because sometimes fear tells such convincing stories that they begin to sound like truth. 

Don't Lose Yourself. Those words have been sitting in front of me all year. I just hadn't realized they were speaking to me until now, asking me to no longer hide behind a professional persona. Do I want to be myself for the world to see? This is something I've always struggled with. 

My pattern has been to conform to the norm. It wouldn’t matter what environment I was in, eventually, I'd conform to my surroundings until it sucked my soul dry. 

Several years ago, I started a podcast with my dear friend, Brenda Brown. It ran for almost three years. I know I need to revisit this project, but this time, as a solo podcaster. This is one way for me to hold space where I surrender myself that I may not lose myself. 

I'm launching it this week. The podcast is called “Don't Lose.” 

It’s my starting point. A first step. A place to begin silencing the fear that limits me and take the leap off the diving board. 

Where might you need to surrender yourself so that you don’t lose yourself?

What are you wrestling with? What feels empty or incomplete inside you? Where do you feel constrained? Where have you conformed, and by doing so, lost a little bit of who you are? 

• Maybe you hate your job but feel trapped, afraid to explore a new career chapter. 

• Or you've been putting off asking for a raise because you're scared of hearing "no." 

• Or it might be much more personal. Maybe there's a dysfunctional relationship in your life, but you're afraid of what might happen if you finally set healthy boundaries. 

Fear can shape the direction and path we're on. But left unchecked, it persuades us to compromise parts of ourselves for comfort or approval. 

Fear will either convince us to do nothing or provoke us to leap off the diving board. 

Perhaps "Don't Lose Yourself" isn't just a reminder. It's a decision we make every time fear asks us to shrink.

Let go and surrender yourself  that you may stay true to yourself so that you don’t lose yourself. 

We’re ever-evolving. Who you were 10 years ago is not who you are today. The current of your river is forging a path that is uniquely yours. It may not require a substantial sacrifice, but it will require a measure of sacrifice. And that's something to consider carefully.

What am I willing to let go of,  What am I willing to begin, What am I willing to change, What am I willing to negotiate, What diving board am I willing to leap off of So that I don’t lose myself?

I recently found a visual from 2017 that I uploaded from Unsplash by photographer Lukas Budimaier. The image is of an elderly woman playing an old upright piano. And on it, I typed the dictionary's definition of evolving: to develop or achieve gradually. i.e., "evolve a style of one's own"

Along with it, I journaled these words:

Amazing, once again, that the discomfort of change - the scary part of leaping off what feels like the highest cliff ever - is not for death’s sake, but for life’s sake.

You are evolving. Get used to it. The roots are diving deeper into the rich soil of your life. And the branches are extending to reach a higher skyline. Your leaves will fall and your branches bare, not once but many times.

Never stop becoming.

-Karen Thrall

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